Saturday, November 14, 2009

Review: Paranormal Activity

stars: Katie Featherston & Micah Sloat
director: Oren Peli

Ten years ago, two fiercely original horror movies came out that took scary to a totally different plane: "The Sixth Sense" and "The Blair Witch Project". The first one signaled the end of the public’s fascination with Wes Craven-type gore films while the second triumphed with its minimalist filmmaking and its viral marketing strategy.

“Paranormal Activity” follows the template of “Blair Witch” but misses one element, albeit the most important one: the Scare Factor. Sorry, hype-followers but "Paranormal Activity" is just-not-scary.

Don’t believe the hype. Hype is a bitch. This hideous creepshow failed to elicit even a fake gasp from me. By the final act, I was scratching my balls.

I may not just be the type of audience for a low-budge, one-note nightmare about a young couple (Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat)  running around the house with a videocam in the hopes of capturing some nightly demonic presence. Mostly, we watch them bicker and groan like dull couples in an episode of “Wife Swap”. I let out an empowered "What the faaarrkk?!?" as the film liberally steals inspiration from “Blair Witch” and “Ringu”. It gets worse.

In between a mish-mash of dull scenes, there are ludicrous bits that only 15 year olds could take as scary. I mean, come on. Heavy footsteps? Loud thuds? Scary? Seriously??? It grows less convincing with each passing moment.

And it doesn’t help that the shoddy script consisted mainly of the female lead shrieking, “Micah? Micah! Micaaaaah!!” with the acting intensity of Paris Hilton in “House of Wax”.

One of the movie’s blurbs declares: “Don’t See It Alone”. I say, “Don’t See It” period. Save your popcorn. You want a good horror show with lots of handheld shit? Rent. Watch “Rec”. Cheerio, fanboys.

Rating: 1 star

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts with Thumbnails