Saturday, November 21, 2009

Review: 2012

I want to hurl myself towards a taichi sword every time I come across people who try to dissect the storyline, the coincidences and the motivation of characters in a Roland Emmerich movie and scoff and bitch when they finally get down to..nothing. Wake up, Einstein! You don’t go inside a theatre holding a ticket for "2012" and expect to see “Schindler’s List”. Hullooo.

Wag na tayong maglokohan. "2012" is a formula picture trying to cash in on the Mayan doomsday prophecy and a big-budget excuse for Emmerich to blow up the world in eye-popping CGI. But man, oh man, does it work! Leave your common sense at the door and sink in a tub of popcorn and you’ll have what is probably the silliest, most enjoyable time at the movies this year.

2012 assembles a talented cast delivering lines from a script that seemed to be aiming for gold at the Razzies. John Cusack plays Jackson Curtis, a science fiction writer who, after his failed marriage to wife Kate (Amanda Peet) tries to squeeze in some bonding time with his son and daughter (Liam James & Morgan Lily) by taking them on a camping trip to Yellowstone. There he meets a nutty pirate radio DJ (an over the top Woody Harrelson) who tells them about some special arks being built by the government to save the human race from a major ecological cataclysm.

As it turns out, huge solar flares are heating the Earth’s core and California is turning into pot roast. Thanks to the efforts of geologist Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and Dr. Satnam Tsurutani (Jimi Mistri of “The Guru” Hahaha!) this was brought to the attention of the White House chief of staff (Oliver Platt) and the President (Danny Glover).

What follows is standard Emmerich as he bug-fucks the world like never before. What he hasn’t destroyed yet in “Independence Day” and “The Day After Tomorrow”, he does it here with gusto. OMG! St. Peter’s Basilica! Christ the Redeemer in Rio! The tip of the Himalayas! And...the Grand Prize winner of the “What-The-Fark-Disaster-Movie-Moment of The Year”—aircraft carrier USS JF Kennedy riding a mile-high tsunami and taking down the White House!

The only bumps in this thrilling ride are the father-son dramatic moments (booo!) and the abhorrent clichés! Don’t get me wrong: I revel in clichés, but this one I can’t take: the US President gives another stupid speech that’s supposed to make everybody cry. And yet another dog survives a disaster flick. One of these days, all these dogs will come together and star in the live action version of “All Dogs Go To Heaven”.

Nevertheless, “2012” should be your choice of blockbuster on a mindless nighout. It’s ridiculous, brash and excessive. To cite Oliver Platt’s golden line in the movie: "What did you think we were going to do? Hold hands and sing `Kumbaya?'"

Rating: 3 stars


  1. I want to see this for John Cusack's sake. He seems to be saving up for his retirement fund the way he stars in D movies these days. I miss him in Being John Malkovich.

  2. agree. the stuff he does lately are junks. but you still gotta respect him for giving us lloyd dobler, man.

  3. oh mirro. i find your review interesting. i cna;t helop but linnk whatever i know of physics and astronomy when i watch movies like this. for some reason some people believe movies like these. i just think while it is fun to be entertained to walk out of the cinema with the realization that it's for entertainment and not gospel truth.


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